What is The Perfect Golf Fourball

Most of us play the majority of our golf in fourballs, sharing time on the course with three of our closest friends. 

There are all sorts of reasons why we choose the people we play golf with. It might be that they make you laugh. You probably have all sorts of things in common. Perhaps you all share a similar playing ability. Or it could be that the guy you partner is a competitive monster, somebody who always seems to come into his or her own when the chips are really down.

From time to time we end up playing in a fourball match where you and a mate have been drawn against a pair you just don’t get on with. We have all been there.

I remember entering a county-wide fourball knockout competition in Suffolk with one of my closest friends. Our chief reason for entering was because we wanted to play courses other than our own. And there was also the hope that we may get to meet and enjoy the company of some like-minded individuals.

We somehow managed to stumble through the first two rounds and our next tie was at Woodbridge Golf Club, a fine heathland course located not far from Ipswich, the county town of Suffolk.

There are times when you just know that you are not going to be in for a good experience. I had only played the course once before and my partner had never experienced it. 

On the first tee I explained this to our opponents and asked if they could keep us on track throughout the round. One of them immediately replied: "Of course." We will call him Paul.

But his partner, whom we shall call John, stunned me with the following: "You knew you were coming here. You should have played the course before this match."

As the match progressed, Paul was happy to engage us in conversation and praise our good shots. John marched out ahead of us, saying nothing.

On the eighth green, I rolled a putt to 12 inches. Paul said: "That’s good Derek, tae it away." It was good enough to win the hole for us.

As we walked to the ninth tee I was utterly astonished to hear John berating his friend in no uncertain terms and instructing him not to do it again. So when John was left with an 18-inch putt for a half on the ninth green and looked expectantly as me, I said nothing. He missed it. And he was livid. I was quite pleased with myself.

This carried on.

They had edged in front in what was a match that was a dreadful experience. On the 16th green, Paul had a six-foot putt to win the match. When he missed it, John tore into him in no uncertain fashion. By this stage, I’d had enough and said to him: "Listen mate, we are not playing for the Claret Jug here. Your partner didn’t miss that putt deliberately so give him a break."

He responded by effectively telling me to mind my own business.

On the 17th, John hit a superb approach to around 10 feet. He had resolutely refused to acknowledge our good shots earlier in the round but I made a point of saying: "Good shot!" He looked at me and punched the air.

We got to the green and both myself and my partner missed long birdie putts. John holed his to win the match, punched the air and jumped up and down like he had just won The Open. It is the only time in my entire life that I have refused to shake an opponent’s hand at the end.

I was happy to shake Paul’s hand but I told John: "That is not the way golf is meant to be played. You played better than us and I have no problem with losing but your attitude stinks. We will now be walking in, getting in our cars and going elsewhere for a drink."

I later heard that they won the entire competition but that the pair they beat in the final nearly came to blows with the delightful John. This was everything that fourball golf should not be.

I love the sound of laughter on the golf course - and I don’t mind if I am the butt of the joke. I play with people who can take a joke as well as handing it out. I play with people who share my interests - there is nothing worse than running out of things to say, and I can honestly say that we talk from start to finish. So when I shake somebody’s hand on the final green and tell them: "I really enjoyed that", it is because I mean it.

Although I have retired and play seniors golf almost exclusively, I play a lot of team golf. I have also played in several foursomes events. And the one thing I will always stipulate on the first tee is that none of us should ever apologise for poor shots. We are all out there doing our very best - and nobody ever deliberately hits a bad shot.

For the record, this would be my dream fourball:

Lee Trevino

I had the pleasure and privilege of seeing Trevino in his prime and he could manipulate the golf ball like no other golfer I have ever seen. He hit everything with a slice - and I do mean EVERYTHING. But he always found the centre of the fairway and he was a genius on and around the greens. He was also a very funny man - the only time he stopped talking was when he hit a shot.

Walter Hagen

The ultimate showman. At a time when professional golfers were treated like second-class citizens, Hagen used to arrive at tournaments in a chauffeur-driven car, often still tipsy from the night before. 

Arnold Palmer

The King, the man who revived The Open. Palmer knew only one way to play the game - to hitch up his trousers, hit the ball as hard as possible, find it, and hit it again. And he had more charisma in his little finger than most of today’s pros do in their entire body.

Ben Hogan

A perfectionist who came back from a car crash in which he nearly lost his life - and was told he may never walk again. He was the first golfer to deliberately fade the ball, describing the hook as an abomination. You would love to play with him if only to get his thoughts on the golf swing.

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