When Golf Slaps You in The Face

Golf is a game that has a habit of slapping you in the face when you least expect it.

You can be cruising along, all going well and then disaster strikes.

So here are just a few that have befallen your correspondent. I issue them as a cautionary tale.

Soaked to The Skin

I am Scottish. The very definition of being Scottish is that you look for bargains. Now the problem with this is that not everything is quite what it seems. 

I once learnt to my cost that "water resistant" is a very different thing from "waterproof". I bought a new, supposedly waterproof suit. It certainly looked the part. But the very first time that I wore it I quickly realised that it was as much use as a chocolate teapot. By the time I reached the green I was drenched, inside and out! 

The next day I decided to bite the bullet and go out and buy a proper waterproof suit. It cost a small fortune but guess what? It worked. You get what you pay for folks.

Blooming Brolly

I learnt another harsh lesson when I opted to buy a cheap umbrella. Again, it looked the part. It seemed to be sturdy. 

I was playing at Rushmere Golf Club on a very wet and very windy day. Out came my shiny new brolly for the very first time. A gust of wind blew it inside out and when I attempted to sort it out I realised that it had become a former umbrella. A dead umbrella. And once again, I was drenched and miserable as I crawled off the 18th green.

Sinking Feeling

I am a member at Dunston Hall GC on the outskirts of Norwich. The first hole is a dogleg par four, with a small pond and stream on the left. 

I hit what I thought was the perfect drive but when we got to the dogleg I realised that it had kicked left and had come to rest on the other side of the water. Everything looked firm enough but the moment I put weight on my foot it sank into the mud. And in an attempt to keep my balance my other foot did the same thing. And that was the instant when I discovered that my lightweight golf shoes were not waterproof. So I was forced to play 18 holes with soaking wet feet. I should point out that these were not cheap shoes. I should further point out that I have not replaced them. And my new shoes are completely waterproof.

Discharged

I recently bought a GPS watch. I had always used the 150-yard markers to gauge my distance from the flag. But I realised that almost everybody I played with owns a device of some description or other. And I increasingly found myself asking them for distances. I finally realised that it was time to move into the 21st century so bought myself a Garmin watch. And it has been a game changer, especially with short irons. 

However, I am the first to admit that I am not the best with technology. To date, there have been three occasions when I have arrived at the course only to realise that I have not charged my watch properly and it has died after a few holes. I really do need to read the instructions!

Feeling Flat

So you turn up at a course you have never played before and realise it is hilly. Very hilly. You put on your golf shoes, pull out your golf bag, assemble your trolley, truss up your bag - and realise that a) you have left your trolley battery at home or b) you have forgotten to charge it and it is completely flat. Either way, it means you are going to have to push your trolley up hill and down dale. 

Not to self: do not make this rookie error again!

Unidentified Flying Objects

I was playing with one of my regular partners recently. We came to a par four and both hit the middle of the fairway. While he was contemplating his approach, I went ahead and hit mine, which finished up in the heart of the green. He then pulled out his five iron (his favourite club). As he struck the ball I saw something flying though the air. At first, I assumed it was his golf ball but I quickly realised that the head had clean snapped off. He was devastated.

Cashless Society

So you have just finished a fun fourball match and you and your partner have lost. You have been playing for a round of drinks and it is your turn to pay. You tell everybody to order what they want while you head to the loo. And then, when you return, you realise that you have left your wallet on the kitchen table!

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