How Many of These Golf Crimes Have You Committed

Golf is a game that gets in your head. No matter what standard you play to, there will be times when you think that you have cracked it, only for it to come back and kick you where it hurts the most.

And because of the way that it can play with us, we all make mistakes that make us look pretty stupid. 

I wonder how many of the following golf "crimes" you have committed?

Making Wrong Shot Choice

You face a shot that involves a huge carry over water. The wind is blowing into your face. You know that you should be laying up. You know that it is going to take a career shot to make that carry. And you find yourself reaching for a three wood - and hitting the ball into the water.

Putting Demons

You are standing over a three-foot putt and instead of being fully focused on the task in hand your mind starts to wander back to the putt of the same length you missed earlier in the round. What do you believe is going to happen? You miss the putt without even touching the hole.

You have a downhill putt on a lightning-fast green and you know that if you hit it even a fraction too hard then it is going to finish at least 10 feet beyond the hole. You twitch, catch the grass before the ball and look on in horror as the ball travels three feet. You line up the next one and this time you are determined that you are going to make proper contact. And the ball finishes 10 feet beyond the cup. You miss that too. Four putts.

Strategic Mistakes

(Image Credit: Kevin Diss Photography)

You are standing on the tee, the wind is howling from left to right and there is out of bounds on the right. Your natural shot is what we will kindly describe as a fade (it is actually a slice). You automatically reach for the driver, make no allowance for the wind, make perfect contact and look on as the ball soars into the air and disappears over the out of bounds markers. You put a second ball down. And do exactly the same thing again.

The Golf Retail Bug

You walk into your local golf retailer with the intention of buying some golf balls. Instead, your attention is drawn to a sales rail upon which are a number of tops and trousers you would not otherwise be seen dead wearing. You cannot help yourself. You find your hand reaching out, you take a selection to the sales desk, pay your money and head for home. When you get there you proudly show off your purchases to your partner who responds with a "Hmmmmm." Undeterred, you don your brightly-coloured top and trousers for your next round. And are ridiculed by all and sundry at the golf club.

Despite this, the next week you find yourself back in the same shop, this time to buy a new golf glove. But a charming assistant approaches you and 10 minutes later you are walking out the store with a new driver that has set you back £499.99. 

Failure to Prepare

You have an important knockout match that you really want to win. All logic dictates that you should turn up at the course at least an hour before you are due to tee off in order to head out to the range, warm up properly, hit 40-50 shots before getting on to the practice putting green. Instead, you turn up 10 minutes before your due time and find that your opponent has been there for ages. You hit three putts, duff your opening drive - and lose 5&4. Will you never learn?

Having failed to warm up properly, you pull out a brand new Titleist Pro V1 at the opening hole - and promptly hit it out of bounds.

Remember Who You Are

You find a fairway bunker. It has a proper lip. You know that you should be pulling out a wedge. But no. You reach for a four iron and smash the ball into the lip of the bunker. You then have no choice but to take your sand wedge. Another hole lost.

You are in a greenside bunker with the flag no more than 10-12 feet away. You quit on the bunker shot and it lands back at your feet. You have forgotten that you are NOT Rory McIlroy.

Not Hitting a Provisional

A drive disappears into knee-high rough. You spend the regulation three minutes looking for it and realise it has gone for ever. Why on earth didn’t you hit a provisional? Now you have to trudge all the way back to the tee to try again. And by the time you get back down the fairway, one of your group has found your original ball.

Forgetting Your Wallet

You have played 18 holes, walked into the clubhouse and asked everybody what they want to drink - and realise that your wallet is still sitting on the kitchen table.

Throwing Away Your Plan

It is the monthly medal. And you have a plan. Every shot counts. You decide that you are not going to reach for your driver at every par four and par five. You are going to plot your way around the course. At the second hole one of your playing partners hits his drive 80 yards past where your effort with a utility club has landed. At the third, out comes the driver, with the usual result. So much for strategy!

Forgetting Your Wet Golf Clothes

How often have you played golf in the rain, stuffed your wet waterproofs in your bag and damp shoes in the boot of your car - and completely forgotten about them? That is right up there with taking off a jersey because it is too warm, putting it in your bag and forgetting about that too until you pull down the zip weeks later and find said item creased to blazes.

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