The Things You Hear on The Golf Course

Us golfers are game for a cliché. It’s part of letting others know that we’re ‘in the club’ (so to speak). Unfortunately though, the sad truth is that we’ve likely heard it all before, no matter how amusing our playing partners might think they are. So without further ado, here’s our Top 20 things that you might hear on the course … let us know how many you spot during your next round!

That’s a good bad one ­- is it? That’s news to us … after all, we were only the ones that blooming hit the thing!

How did that not go in?! ­- probably because you pushed it 2ft wide of your intended line. Oh, and your pace wasn’t that great, either.

Going to forget about my score and just enjoy today - we bet you’re not. But we admire the attempt at reverse-psychology on yourself. We’ll check in with you when you’ve got 7 stableford points through the first 9 holes to see if you’re still enjoying it …

Be right! / be the right club - what a pleasantly passive-aggressive way of letting everybody know that you’ve finally found the middle of the club face.

C’mon wind! - you pushed it, didn’t you. Be honest. You did.

Ah, I thought you had that one ­- really? So did we, but it’s nice to know we’re not alone. Although it would be great if you could sound less smug about it.

(Image Credit: Kevin Diss Photography)

Can you believe I just hit that wedge through the green? ­- yes, because you thinned the pants off it. From a flier lie. Downwind.

Spin! - see above: you hit it too hard, didn’t you?

I’m going to wait for the green, just in case - no problem! I mean, it’s only 310-yards, uphill and into wind, but you might get there. (you won’t).

Unlucky - if you’re being sincere, thank you. However, if we’ve just three-putted from 6ft, that’s probably more to do with our own ability than luck.

One [after ball falls off tee peg] - hahahahahahahaha. Never say this again.

That’s so far right / left it’s [insert relevant politician] - vaguely amusing, if it’s current. But needs to be imaginative.

That looked good in the air - it really didn’t, not when we needed that putt to drop for our lowest ever score.

Commit to it - who are you? Has this ever worked for anybody that doesn’t play on Tour? If anything, you’ve probably just conceded to yourself that you’re not truly committed to it. The brain works in mysterious ways.

Anywhere but [right / left / bunker / water / trees] - see above: the ball is definitely going there.

What did you shoot today? - please ask me my score, please!!

Would have been alright but I had [lipouts / 3 putts / bad breaks] - what, you mean like every other round in the history of golf? Even Jim Furyk saw one slide by on the 18th, en-route to a 58. That’s golf.

Is that good? - please don’t make me putt this.

Is that alright over there? - look, I know I’ve hit it in the rubbish, and I know you said not to hit it over there, but I just need someone else to blame when we can’t find it in a few minutes.

Have you been a member here long? - I have literally nothing else to start with as a topic of conversation, please say something interesting so that these next four hours are manageable.

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