Golfers - What Gets Under Your Skin

YOU have got to laugh. No, you really do. Golf is meant to be a social sport, a game we play because we enjoy it. 

As you will know, we carry out lots of surveys to seek your feedback on a whole range of issues. And it has become obvious to us that there are lots of issues that get under your skin, and many of them have raised a smile with us here at Golfshake, if only because we can relate to so many of them.

So here we go with the issues that wind you up - and there are plenty of them:

"MUSIC! There should never be any instance where someone has to hear music from another person or group. There are many excellent headphones/earphones options if you want to hear music. Music should be 100% banned.”

I have an admission to make: I was that person. In my defence, I used to play regularly with somebody we will call Malcolm. He was the master of gamesmanship, the sort of person who would stand on the tee and point out the out of bounds on the right with the words: “You will be fine because you never slice the ball.” And, of course, I would clamber onto the tee and carve my drive miles right. He was also a coin jangler. Anyway, we ended up meeting in the final of a singles competition and I was dreading it until I came up with a brainwave. If I couldn’t hear him then he couldn’t possibly put me off so I arrived on the first tee with my headphones plugged in. And do you know what? It worked. I actually managed to get inside his head and beat him 5&4. But yes, music on the golf course probably should be banned.

“People who stand at 7 o’clock of me and stand too close when I’m hitting.”

We can all relate to this one too I am guessing. There are plenty of people who stand in your eye-line unwittingly, but there are just as many who know exactly what they are doing. Simple solution: return the compliment when they are playing. They will soon get the message.

"Being given unsolicited advice on my swing (always men!)”

Not only always men, but usually also men who play off a handicap of 20 or higher. And trust me when I tell you that you should NEVER take swing advice from somebody who doesn’t know how to hold the club properly and lunges at the ball like Tom Daley performing a triple forward somersault.

“Bunkers in the middle of the fairway - why?”

I am not sure that I get this one. So few of us manage to find the middle of the fairway that these bunkers should never come into play. Now bunkers in right rough, that’s a different matter altogether.

“Golfers who carry their bags in such a way that the clubs all bang together whilst walking down the fairway making a terrible noise.”

Blimey! How is it possible to carry a bag full of 14 clubs WITHOUT them banging together. I think this person probably needs to play a few rounds with my old mate Malcolm.

“Not telling you at booking that the greens have been aerated!”

Yup, this is also one off my pet hates, especially when, as a visitor, the club is happy to relieve you of a full green fee. Add winter tees and temporary greens to this one. The club really should tell you and offer you a reduced fee.

“Golfers who think birds turn over their divot.”

Don’t get me started on golfers who refuse to replace divots. I said, don’t get me started. And here’s the thing, they will be the first to complain if they arrive at their golf ball and find it nestling in a divot hole. Karma, I call it.

“Not getting a call through as the 10-minute ball recovery operation carries on.” 

Did these people never get the message that you only have three minutes to search for a lost ball? And when they have spent 10 minutes looking for one ball, they then move on and spend a further 10 minutes looking for a second ball. And all the time they are utterly oblivious to those waiting behind them, getting ever more frustrated.

“Waiting for greens to clear before hitting 2nd shot when they have 200+ yards to green.”

Again, this will probably be a 24-handicapper who, once in his life in a galaxy far, far away, hit a three wood that soared into the air and travelled 230 yards to the heart of the green. But his go-to shot is a top that trundles 60-70 yards.

“Players complaining about the state of the greens and then not repairing their own pitch marks.”

Generally speaking, these will be the same individuals who don’t replace divots. The irony is that they probably carry four or five pitchmark repairers in their golf bag. Peter Alliss once said that if we all repaired four or five pitchmarks then this is a problem that would disappear. It hasn’t happened yet.

“Playing partners who cannot count their shots correctly.”

It’s called cheating!

“Taking too long on the putting green, as if The Open depended on the putt.”

Tour professionals have a lot to answer for. The difference between them and the average club golfer is that tour pros know what they are doing, understand what they are looking for when they prowl around the green. I used to play with somebody who always used the plumb-bob method. Eventually I became curious and asked him how it worked. He hadn’t a clue. He only did it because he had seen it being done on TV.

“People who dig the ball out of the hole with their putter should be arrested.”

The last time I looked, this wasn’t a criminal offence, but you get the point. Worse, it usually takes them two or three attempts to get the ball out of the hole, and they are oblivious to the damage they are causing.

“People forever playing off the white tees when they are nowhere near good enough and would likely enjoy their game a lot more from the yellows or reds.”

Let’s face it, this is a macho thing. There aren’t many male golfers who would willingly play off the red or blue tees. That’s for women and children, isn’t it? But golf would be so much easier for them if they recognised their limitations.

“When other golfers use their buggies to race around and think they can get by you.”

The funny thing is that my personal experience of golfers who use buggies is that they tend to be the slowest players on the course. The buggy will go right, it will go left. The driver will head off down the fairway and then have to head back to his playing partner, who has just realised that the six iron he has pulled from the bag is actually a nine iron. And then they spend forever at the front of the green totting up their scores.

“You’ve got to love coffin dodgers taking up the early tee times and then fart about for the best part of five hours.”

We will all be “coffin dodgers” one day and my experience of senior golfers is that they know their limitations and will almost always wave through following groups. And, in truth, many of them race round in three hours because they can’t be bothered to look for lost balls - and need to get back to the clubhouse to use the toilet!

“Players stepping on their wedges, which they've laid on the green, so they don't have to bend all the way over to pick them up. The practice often leaves a groove embedded in the putting surface. Worse damage than any pitchmark, and those who engage in this practice never repair that damage either.”

This is up there with digging the ball out of the hole with a putter and greenkeepers do not like these people. And neither do I. It is all the more puzzling when you watch them bend down to pick the ball out of the hole.

We leave the final word to this individual: 

“The overwhelming majority of golfers are doing it to relax and have some quality time with their friends. This majority of golfers don’t like the so-called good golfers who think they own the course and who have an over-inflated opinion of their own golfing ability. Just chill and enjoy the view and have a little bit of respect for those who aren’t as good as you but have paid the same green fees and are doing their best.”

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