Why Are Golfers so Utterly Clueless When it Comes to Fashion?

GOLFERS are utterly clueless when it comes to fashion. We all wear tops, hats and trousers on the course that we would be seen dead in anywhere else. Worse than that, we take a look at ourselves in the mirror before we head out and convince ourselves that we look cool. We don’t. When your other half says to you: “You are never going out dressed like that, are you?”, you really should listen.

Here we take a look at a few fashion abominations that you should avoid at all costs.

Sun visors

What on earth is the point of a sun visor? Let’s stop and think about this for a moment or two. Golfers wear them to keep the sun out of their eyes. We get that. It makes sense. But here’s the thing - you wear the visor to keep the sun out of your eyes, but what about your head, which is totally unprotected? In other words, a sun visor does not protect you from, erm, the sun, which makes it a pretty pointless device, don’t you think?

Collarless tops

We all wear collarless T-shirts in our everyday lives. Then, lo and behold, Nike produced a range of collarless tops that were sported by a certain Tiger Woods. Can you imagine Tiger turning up at Augusta and the club pro telling him: “I am sorry but you can’t go out on our course wearing that sir. You need to have a collar.” Of course you can’t. However, when we all rushed out to buy these tops, that is precisely what happened. “Sorry sir, but you need to wear a collar before you can go out and play.” “But Tiger Woods wears these.” “And if Tiger Woods came into my shop, I would be telling him he couldn’t play in it either, sir!” Thanks for nothing Nike.

Flares

Oh dear! Flared trousers. Do you remember them? They were a fashion statement and a half. The problem with high street fashion statements is that they don’t always transfer to the golf course, and flared trousers certainly didn’t manage to do that. There were two problems. First of all, there were the flares themselves. Is anybody out there old enough to recall what happened when you wore them while playing golf? The big issue was wind - when the wind blew it tended to turn flared trousers into parachutes. It was impossible to stand up in them. And then there was the fact that the waist and pockets were super-tight, which presented its own special challenge when trying to get a tee or ball marker out of your pocket. And when you bent down to either tee up the ball or mark it was often accompanied by a mighty RIIIIIPPPPPPPP as the seams burst.

Rupert Bear trousers

Oh dear. What were we thinking? Rupert Bear trousers should never, ever have been worn by anybody or anything other than Rupert Bear. But there, back in the 1970s and 80s, we all were sporting them on the golf course. Worse than that, however, was the fact that we thought we looked cool. We didn’t. We looked ridiculous. If you doubt it, do a bit of internet research. Tom Weiskopf was one of the worst serial offenders. But he was by no means alone.

The colour black

Yes, we are singling out the colour black as a fashion disaster. Gary Player spent his entire career dressed from top to toe in black. He reckoned it gave him energy and was the only colour to wear in the sun. He was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. It has been conclusively proved by scientific boffins that when you play in the sun you should wear a bright colour, such as white or yellow, which reflects the heat. Apart from anything else, black just looks utterly naff and shows a complete lack of imagination. By the way, yellow is a colour to be avoided in the height of summer as you will be attacked by flies, bees or wasps, all of which will mistake you for a fragrant flower.

Greg Norman-style sun hats

The Great White Shark (who was also known to sport Rupert Bear trousers) was the man who brought us the straw sun hat. There are those who would argue that it looked pretty good, and it certainly did serve its main purpose, which was to keep the sun off one’s head and face. But there was one issue. Actually, there were two issues. The first issue was that they looked ridiculous. The second issue was that the slightest breeze would remove them from your head. The owners of Greg Norman-style sun hats were among the fittest golfers on the planet because they spent most of their rounds chasing down the fairway to retrieve them. Not all bad then!

Baseball caps

Yes, yes, yes, I know that we all wear baseball caps. But why? I admit that they keep the sun out of our eyes, and, unlike the visors, they also keep the sun off the top of our heads. They even manage to help keep us dry when the rain comes tipping down, as it tends to do in the UK. But at some point, when you walk off the 18th green you are going to have to remove that cap. No problem if you happen to be bald. But if you have any hair on your head you are not going to look forward to looking at yourself in the changing-room mirror, especially if it is a hot day. Sorry, but baseball caps are an abomination.

Sunglasses

Almost all tour professionals sport sunglasses but you will have noticed one or two things. First of all, most of them wear those sunglasses on the back of their hats, which all seems rather pointless. The other thing you will have noticed is that those who actually do wear them to protect their eyes put them on the back of their hats when they play a shot. There are good reasons for this. They sport them because they are paid to do so. They don’t sport them to hit shots because when you do so it is almost impossible to see the golf ball. Doh!

Image Credit: Kevin Diss Photography