Are You One Of Golf's Grumpy Golfers?

OMG, am I turning into a grumpy golfer? I am here to tell you that I am most certainly not in the first flush of youth and there are things that frustrate me now that in days gone by would not have caused me to bat an eyelid.

Motorists who turn off without indicating, people who jump queues, youngsters who expect me to make way for them on the pavement, spending hours trying to buy Oasis tickets (and being unsuccessful), car repair bills, airports, having to stand on a bus, being told that the Doom Bar is off. You get the picture.

I recently joined a new golf club and find myself in the company of senior golfers every time I play. And the thing I have come to realise above all else is that some senior golfers are grumpy. Very grumpy.

Back in the day, when I finished a round of golf, we would sit in the clubhouse and discuss our jobs, wives/girlfriends and cars we were planning to buy. Now? I sit and listen to all and sundry complaining about their various ailments and how long they have been waiting for knee/hip replacements.

But that is only the tip of the iceberg.

Here are the main things grumpy old golfers complain about.

HANDICAPS

I do not know a single senior golfer who is content with his handicap. They all believe that their handicaps are too low - this despite the fact that they play in competitions at least once a week, every week of the year and submit scorecards.

The following is an excerpt from an actual conversation I was involved in at my club. I won’t name the golfer, and you will quickly understand why.

“13? I don’t play off 13. I haven’t been able to play off 13 for at least 15 years. I should be playing off 18. I have appealed to the handicap committee and they tell me that nothing can be done. I am actually starting to lose my love of the game because every time I go out there I struggle like crazy. At the course I used to be a member of I routinely went round in 82-83 but this course kills me every time I play it.”

And in the next breath: “Last Friday I went out and shot an 83.”

For the record, an 83 is 11 over par. Two shots better than the handicap he cannot play to!

GREENS

Grumpy senior golfers endlessly complain about the condition of the greens. “How on earth is anybody expected to putt on these greens? They are awful.”

There is actually nothing wrong with the greens - the above comment almost always follows an ugly twitch as the grumpy golfer misses a two-foot putt. Oh yes, and he is one of the many who NEVER repairs pitchmarks.

CLUBHOUSE

“I cannot believe that they charge £5 for a pint of beer. It is outrageous.”

I spent much of my life working London. These individuals should try finding anywhere in the capital that sells a pint of beer for £5.

And don't get them started on golf-club food. The grumpy golfer will bleat about paying £10 for a burger, a home-made burger! He will complain about how long it takes him to be served. Personally, I think a five-minute wait for a burger does not seem excessive.

PLAYING TIME

“Jeez. It took us four hours and 30 minutes to play 18 holes. It is driving me stark raving bonkers. There is no excuse. The club should be doing something to quicken things up.”

Oh yes? This from the golfer who takes 10 minutes to look for a golf ball and never, ever hits a provisional. This from the golfer who ALWAYS leaves his bag at the front of the green and fills in his scorecard while standing there. This from the golfer who NEVER waves through obviously quicker golfers. And this from the golfer who takes 10 practice swings on every shot and looks at each putt from every possible angle.

ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTIONS

“How much? HOW MUCH? They will be asking me to give them my blood next. I can’t afford that. It is scandalous.”

This is the golfer who forgets that he plays three or four times a week, 52 weeks of the year, has a huge private pension, takes three foreign holidays every year and has a Range Rover in the car park with personalised number plates!

FELLOW GOLFERS

“I can’t stand playing with Gordon X. And don’t get me started on Johnny Z. He makes my blood boil. He is a miserable man, never has a good word to say about anybody. And I refuse to join that Thursday group - they are all dreadful individuals.”

This golfer might want to check out what Gordon X, Johnny Z and the Thursday group have to say about him!!!!

THE PRICE OF EQUIPMENT

“Have you seen the price of that latest TaylorMade driver? And those new Titleist irons? Unbelievable! I don’t know how they have the nerve to charge those prices.”

A casual look in his bag will reveal that self same TaylorMade driver and those Titleist irons.

But is all of this me?  Actually, no, I am not turning into a grumpy golfer as it turns out. I actually enjoy playing the game and sharing my time with like-minded people.

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