The price of Wilson Anti-Slice golf balls.

Two Saturdays ago, while I was in the shower there was a knock at my front door. As the bathroom overlooks the front door, I could see a postal van outside- it was a parcel delivery I had been eagerly waiting for- some Wilson Anti-Slice golf balls that I hoped were the key to everlasting golfing success.

I reached across to open the window and holler to the postman to hang on while I ran downstairs.  We have a windowsill which is the best part of a foot across and so to open the window fully I had to lean quite far across.  As wicked misfortune would have it, my wet feet slipped at just this moment and landed with full force on this:

The toothbrush entered my armpit and chopped its way through to the back of my collarbone only failing to cut its way out the other side because my supple skin retains the elasticity of youth. Instead it bulged out giving the appearance that I was growing a second head.

Now, I've never stabbed myself in the armpit with an electric toothbrush before and so I wasn't entirely clear on the usual procedure for dealing with such an occurrence. I pulled it out.

Those of you who are familiar with the technical specifications of the Oral B Vitality Dual-Clean electric toothbrush will be aware that it comes with a detachable head. I had detached the head.  And so it came to pass that I spent that afternoon having an operation under general anaesthetic to remove the detachable head of an electric toothbrush from inside my shoulder. I was in hospital for a few more days having the piss taken out of me by the nursing staff.

The stitches are due to come out tomorrow- though I am in no position to return to the course just yet.  I felt that it was only fair to give you all fair warning about the hidden costs of these golf balls. 

Take my advice and buy with caution.

What a ridiculous story, how can a golf ball be anti-slice...

I thought I'd heard all the excuses for playing badly but it seems not.  I can just hear it now - 'sorry guys if I'm playing pants today only my shoulder is still stiff from the toothbrush stab wound' - yeah, right.

Take care and speedy recovery.  If its any consolation, it has at least made me chuckle (I guess thats not much of a consolation)

I'm not sure if I should remove this.  I don't want Golfshake to be responsible for a rash of people being threatened that if they don't go into the offie and get some underage chavs some tinnies they'll run 'em through with their nan's electric toothbrush!

In all seriousness, I hope you are feeling better Ian and make a speedy recovery.  And that you have got a new head for your toothbrush.  Thanks for brightening up my evening after spending the rest of it watching one of the worst games of football I've seen in years (Swindon vs West Brom). 

By the way, an anti-slice ball is more commonly known as a 'distance ball' or 'brick'

Thanks Ian, have just had to spend the evening at a very upmarket drinks do (stop sniggering at the back) and that proved a perfect ice breaking anecdote.  I do feel for you and your pain though, having experienced a blunt object stabbing myself whilst riding a very small kids bike at a drunken barbecue - going over the handlebars and embedding the brake level several inches into my arm.

Did they give you the head back?

Priceless!!!!!!!What did the postman say when you opened the door with a minty fresh blood soaked armpit?and did you have to sign for them left handed?