20 Golfing Laws

20 Golfing Laws

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a tax agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day

How true - made me giggle

I would suggest law 21.  If you play your worst round ever you will birdie or par the last to make sure you come back for more punishment next week.

Law 22 - If there is water on the 18th hole, Chris Perry is guaranteed to repeatedly find it in front of a baying crowd.

Law 2 - Absolutely spot on.  After shooting 92 I followed it up with a round of 116 on the same course two weeks later.  How I managed to rack up another 24 shots is beyond me.  Guess I got my moneys worth out of the round!

Actually Stu, law 23 should read "Tim Hawkins always plays a blinder for 9 holes in competition."

law 25: the North always talk a good game

Law 26: Play with high hcp'ers and ye shall become one.

Is that your excuse for not carding 36 points on Sunday Dave, I was dragging you down?  Thanks mate!

We were dragging him down, Chris. I will share the blame with you for his collapse when the pressure was on.

Hey, you carded as many points as Dave did John so it was obviously me dragging you both down.  Sorry

Only joking guys, I was just throwing out a hook I wasn't expecting to catch you Chris!My collapse lies soley at my door,or feet I should say.I know what the problem's are and I'm addressing it. It certianly won't happen at Wokefield.

Booked some lessons with Fatima Whitbread, you watch me launch a club then! anyway what attitude you southern defector or was you expelled?

Are you going to have someone go back down the hole to recover your thrown clubs for you again Dave?

I suspect that you newly found form, which is way better than your handicap suggests, is making you feel fully confident, Chris.

If I can remove the odd stupid hole from my card John then it's in the bag.  Probably.....